trencly:

Teacher: Can I see your homework?
Me: Haha no way loser do your own

blooming-conifers:

I was eating alone at a mexican restaurant once and a group of college kids were chatting over tortilla chips. There was some jabber and then..

“ ..we had to climb over the bob wire!”

“Dude, did you just say ‘bob wire’?”

“Yea man, that spiky shit!”

“You actually think it’s called bob wire? Like fucking Robert wire? You think it’s called Robert wire?”

“Well what the hell do you think it’s called?”

“It’s BARB wire you idiot! Like Barbara wire!”

*the third guy* “Oh my god. You guys. BARBED wire. Because the wire has barbs, it is BARBED.”

“Oohhhhh!”

“Fucking Robert and Barbara wire. Fuck you guys.”

skywitchmaja:

when you’re out at a restaurant or a coffee shop or a target or whatever with your friends and you overhear/eavesdrop the same snippet of some stranger’s conversation, and you look at each other for a second to check that you both heard this stranger say the same weird/funny/baffling thing and just break out in knowing grins and quiet laughter… that’s a love language

98khj:

98khj:

Fun family story: when my aunt was marrying her wife everyone was really excited but also dreading it because my aunt is known for her insanely long speeches so everyone knew her vows would be like 9 hours long so when it came time for her to say her vows she had a shit ton of cue cards in her hands and even her wife started groaning and my aunt took a deep inhale and then unravelled all the cue cards which were taped together and they all just read ‘HOT DAMN’ in giant letters and those were my aunts vows.

And now since I officially have permission to use this photo

GET FUCKED